"BEN REDLICH AND THE PYRAMID OF DEATH" - circa 1988

 EGYPT - 1934. Me and my mate, Ray, were living in a Tent just beside an oasis in a desert, 100 km from a pyramid. The pyramid was the tomb of a cruel king, called Liatiana. He was so cruel, if the people didn't obey him or worship him he would slowly burn them until they die.
   The next day Ray and I got up early and had breakfast and got in our 4 wheel drive and headed for the pyramid where the treasure lay of King Liatianna. We took a few cranades, dinamite, two pistols, and two Thompson sub machine guns. And I took my seven metre long bull whip.
   When we got there we loaded up our backpacks with the weapons and we tryed to look for an entrance, there was none. Then I said, "We better make an entrance, give me a stick of Dinamite and the matchs." Then I lit the Dinamite and stuck it under the crack. Then we ran as fast as we can. Suddenly Ray tripped over and, BANG! Rocks came tumbling down knocking Rays hand off. We raced back to the tent, full bore in our 4 wheel drive. When we got back we hopped in our two-man helicopter and flew to the doctor 300 km from the tent. When we got there we asked the doctor to put an artificial hand on Ray and he did so. He put a robotic hand on him. It was a razer sharp claw. When we got back we went to the piramod and we got out of the car. We walked into the pirimod and I told ray to "stay outside and guard the entrance with the bozooka and the pistol." All I had to protect myself was a whip, a dangerous whip that is. As I walked through a tunnel there was lots of strange pictures of people and there was writting as well. I did not no what it said because I couldn't be bothered learning Egypt writting because its a lot of Mumbo Jumbo. I came to a large room with a large coffin. Around it was pure gold and treasure. Then I opened the coffin to see inside. There was a Mummy in it. Suddenly spears started flying everywhere. So I grabbed the treasure and filled my backpack with gold. It was very heavy but I kept on running. I ran through the wrong passage way. The door behind started to close. I ran to get out of that passage before it closed fully, but it was to late, it slammed shut just about crushing my arm. Suddenly a bolder came rushing down, and I started running as fast as I can. I was hoping there would be an entrance somewhere in the tunnel. And to my suprise there was an entrance on the side of the wall. I took a turn and ran in and I couldn't stop and I fell down a ten metre cliff into a pool of water which was very, very deep and I started sinking so I let go of the gold and jewlry and I rose to the top of the water. Suddenly I started sinking into a whirlpool and I took a gulp of air and floated through a tunnel into a river flowing out of the piramid and I swam to the shore. As I was swimming to the shore, two big man-eating crocodiles rose to the surface in the scent of my blood and headed towards me. Then I grabbed my whip and put a gash in one of the crocodiles and I wrapped the whip around its mouth and I stabbed it with my survival knife. Then I ran out of the water and suddenly, BANG, ray shot the crocodile in the head. Suddenly I rembered the gold and the treasure so I jumped into the river and swam to the bottom to look for it because it could have floated out of the pyrimid. We made no success, but as we drove along beside the river I saw a sparkle on the other side so we stopped and got out of the car and jumped into the water and started swimming to the other side but I stopped in the middle when I saw bubbles in the water and then a giant, very giant man-eating crocodile jumped to the surface and ray got out the machine gun and RATTA-TAT-A-TAT, ray shot the beast, tail to head, using two rounds of amunition. Then I kept on swimming to the other side just incase of more croc's. It was the treasure. Then I told ray to "take out the inflatable boat and throw it over to me" and he did so. When I caught it I blew it up and rowed over to the other side with the treasure. Then we went to the tent, packed our bags and the tent away. I flew the two-man helicopter and ray drove the 4-wheel drive and we went to the nearest airport and flew back to america and went home. The next day we went to the museum and handed in the treasure and they gave us a $100 000 000. Now the treasure of king Liatiana lay in a museum saying :-

HERE LAYS THE TREASURE OF KING

LIATIANNA. FOUND IN EGYPT:- 1934

IT WAS REVEALED AFTER MILLIONS

OF YEARS BY FAMOUS ARCHAEOLOGIST

BEN REDLICH ACCOMPANED BY RAY WILLIAMSON.

THE

END!

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What I find amusing about this story, is that it starts off mildly coherent, but before long I threw away all paragraph breaks and rambled incessantly right until the end. I also find it funny my failure to spell the word "pyramid" correctly, and the varying degrees in which it is misspelled, despite having spelled it correctly in the title and in the first two paragraphs. This story doesn't look like it was marked by a teacher, so it was most likely written for myself.

Hmm, now, if you're clever, you might have picked up the oh-so subtle reference to Indiana Jones in this story (note the rolling boulder sequence). Raiders Of The Lost Ark was, and still is, one of my all-time favourite movies, but the other big influence here was Action Man!

My brother and I both had Action Man dolls, and many many accessories, including Action Man jeeps, complete with anti-aircraft machine guns (mentioned here). My brother owned the two-man helicopter (also mentioned). One year my grandparents gave me an Action Man Underwater Sabotage Kit, which had an inflatable raft (which is also referenced here). I remember my Action Man jeep came with a mini-comic too, and fondly enough, that's where the sound "RATTA-TAT-TAT" comes from, as it was typically the onomatopoeia used to signify the sound of a machine gun going off.

I wish I still had my Action Man... well, my Action Man as I remember him...

So why, oh why, oh why did I do this to him??!!!!!...